The Emergent Future
Several weeks ago, I ordered a few things off Amazon and found my package downstairs with a bunch of other Amazon boxes (I don’t have a doorman). “Great!” I thought. I’d pick it up on my way back from my walk. When I got back, my package was gone - as were all the others. Someone had stolen them. I was PISSED! I could share all the expletives but will spare you. Who would steal something at this time, when people need their packages the most? My building is full of elderly people. What if they had ordered things they really needed: medicine or food? And now someone was STEALING them?
I went upstairs and sat with my emotions - and wondered what to do. The reality is that our management company sucks - they just want their rent check. Pre-COVID days, I would’ve let it go because any effort would’ve been futile. What’s the point? But this time, I decided to do something. I was sick of feeling helpless during quarantine. I didn’t care about the package itself but wanted to find out if someone from the building was stealing them. I called management and left a voicemail. I emailed them. I called the super. I asked about security camera footage. He said we have them, but that I’d have to file a police report to get access. I hesitated for a split second because I didn’t want to bother the police with something as insignificant as my Amazon package when they’re dealing with COVID. But I called 311 anyways. They told me they’d have to connect me to 911 because it was theft. I said it wasn’t an emergency. But they were really nice and said don’t worry - we have officers nearby.
Within 5 minutes, 2 officers came to my building. I went downstairs to meet them, all 3 of us in masks. I went through the story, filled out the paperwork, asked them what would happen. One officer smiled apologetically and said, “nothing”. There are tons of thefts happening right now everywhere. Putting up signs that say surveillance won’t deter robbers. They’d maybe arrest someone, let ‘em go, and they’d do it again. Given COVID, they’re not going to put petty robbers in prison. So all in all, nothing was going to happen.
But something did happen - for ME.
One, it was really nice to connect with another human being! Talk to someone IN PERSON for over 10 minutes. Just an ordinary conversation. The officer liked my shoes, asked what I thought about them (they’re On Cloud and I love them!). He told me about his shoes. We smiled through our masks and shared more stories.
I also had several insights.
1) What am I noticing about my inner state and response?
When this happened, I was upset. But I also noticed that I was upset and could see it. It was like being IN the emotion and SEEING it at the same time - in slow motion. I didn’t try to analyze how I felt. I didn’t try to make up stories or excuses for the person who stole the packages. I didn’t try to make sense of it. There was no sense. I’m noticing that this is happening more often these days.
2) What am I being called to let go of?
I’m starting to let go of evaluating or analyzing every little thing, of always trying to understand the “why” or subscribe meaning to everything. I’m allowing myself to just be in the experience of whatever is happening - and that has felt liberating.
3) What is beginning to emerge now?
Normally, I would’ve talked myself out of filing a police report so as to not bother anyone. I tend to doubt myself in these situations. Should I do something? Am I bothering the super? Is this stupid for the police? These days, I’m not doubting myself as much. Maybe it’s because I don’t have the energy to dwell on things, or second guess myself, or worry so much about what others think. I’m okay, which is more than I can say for many others around the world. It feels like an emerging sense of quiet confidence, or faith, or maybe acceptance.
How would YOU answer these questions?
What does your emergent future look like?
Stay well and stay safe, my friends.
Much love.